Selfish VS selfless, which one will you let win?


selfish
Selfish VS selfless. It is the key to every relationship. Not just with your wife, g/f or friends. Also with work and anyone who you interact with. It is deeper than just those you see all the time as well. Even on the level of an individual person who you will never see again how you treat that interaction determines a lot of how the rest of your day may go.

Being selfless is hard. As humans we naturally tend to want everyone else to do things our way. If we do it a certain way than it must be the best way to go about it. Isn’t it? And this does not even mean that other people are wrong. But when they don’t accomplish goals and tasks the same we do, or would we can become upset.

On a simpler level is our day-to-day interaction with everyone in our sphere of influence. From the driver who wants to change lanes, the lines of traffic merging together leaving a sporting event or the person who you serve at work the level of selfishness we exert is going to have a big effect on our outlook, and attitude. It’s the whole butterfly effect idea. Hopefully when you slow down a bit to let someone in they will do the same and overall the traffic keeps moving (albeit at a reduced pace) instead of becoming stop and go. But being nice to people we won’t see again is almost the easiest thing to do. You won’t see them again. If they slight you it is much easier to brush off.

It’s the long-term relationships where it is so hard to accomplish the goal of selflessness. In family, wife/husband/girl friend/boy friend, co-workers. That is the real challenge in life. It is easy at the start. But than with time we build up resentment. We get butt hurt when we don’t get that same selflessness back. But that’s the real kicker isn’t it? Because at that moment we have switched from being selfless to being selfish. We don’t mean to. We don’t want to, and I think it causes the most problems.

I thought about this a lot last night, and today while working out. I don’t have a perfect answer. It maybe that there just simply is not one. We each must struggle every day to maintain that level of selflessness. Often times this means not saying what we think. The whole concept of being honest has been twisted into an excuse by people to just be an ass. “I’m not being mean. I’m being honest.” they claim in righteous indignation. Well some times, no often times in a relationship you have to judge things and then simple SHUT THE FUCK UP! Not everything needs to be said. Not everything needs to be done your way. Certainly there is a line in the sand that each person must draw for themselves. I am in no way saying we should all be walking doormats for each other. That is never the case. If someone is mistreating you walk away. Run away. No one has the right to mistreat others or should have to be mistreated. But in life, you have to be able to look at the bigger picture and try to see it all put together. Not just the moment you are in. That or go live in a cave by yourself and be a true hermit.

Our government would be a lot better if instead of just saying “it’s for the children” and other mantras of selflessness they actually practiced it.

Our personal lives would be better and so would our professional lives. Change does not happen overnight. But it does not happen by becoming what you want to change either. You have to stand up even if no one but you knows and take action to improve your life and the lives of those around you. Put your own desires aside, think of others. If all of us can do this, even just a bit, and have the goal in mind of always doing it you would see a much different picture each day. It can truly be accomplished without giving up what makes you “you”. It can be done without sacrificing the things you hold dear. True acceptance of others is hard to do but the rewards are great.

Gay marriage. It’s about time we get over it.


gay marriage
Gay marriage. Once again for the millionth time it’s in the news. But why? Aren’t we over this by now?
Lets look at the arguments.
1. Marriage is sacred. Really? Come on, with all the reality shows where straight people get married, the divorce rate and all those things the idea that heterosexual marriage is sacred and it somehow disgraces it is ridiculous.
2. God is not for it and marriage is based in religion. I’ll be honest and admit I used to think this. BUT, we can not force our religious ideals on others. So when it comes to a pastor doing a gay marriage that is for the pastor and the church body he is a part of to make that call. In other words the individual and then individual group must decide this on their own. We have no right to say others must follow the same religious beliefs or tenants that we do.
3. I (the person saying it) just don’t like gays. (insert your own slur here) This is simple to debunk. Its based only in hate. No real reason for it at all.
4. What else is there? I can’t think of anything.

So what does all this mean? We so often forget that to protect our own rights we have to protect those of others. Even if we don’t agree with them. The key here? As long as it does not hurt anyone, or infringe on some else’s rights. So, do I think it is right to say I can’t pray in public. No. I’m not hurting you. Ignore me, leave me alone, give me basic respect and don’t bother me. And I won’t tell you that you have to pray. You may choose not to. That is fine.

Really this is the same thing. Who is hurt by gay marriage? No one. It should be equal. They should have the same standard of proof and responsibility as straights people. Still have to get divorced if it does not work out, and still get the same benefits as any other straight couple who has taken the proper steps to say “Yes, we love each other and are in a committed relationship with each other.”

I feel there is a big difference between two people living together and two people who are married. By getting married you make it official. You make it harder to just end and harder to just walk away from. You are taking it up to a much more serious level. Any one, gay or straight if they really do love each other should be able to take this public/private/legal step and get married. We can not and should not force consenting adults who are hurting no one, ever, do follow what we think is right, or wrong simple because it is different from our opinion. I don’t want people telling me what I can do in my life and in order to protect my rights I am willing to protect the rights of others. I hope you will too.

Life, Love and everything in between


Life sucks. It’s hard. Relationships are hard. Marriage is hard. So very hard. No greater challenge can face a person than taking two lives and making one out of them.

So how do we know when we are right, wrong, or out of line? What measuring stick do we use to decide what we put up with and what is too much?

In every relationship only the people in it can make truly weigh what is happening and make the “tough” decisions. But what they think and do is affected by what they think, or the influences in their lives.

Answer one, or all of these questions. Tell me what you think, start discussion. Don’t just read this and than click away. Be part of it.

Political speech responses-Discuss amongst yourselves


boxing
So this is a quick and simple post. I hope to create disscussion with it and actually get some good comments going back and forth from people. So,

The political speech response


Why do we do them?

Who started them?

Do they do anything other than cause bad feelings and arguing?

Are they anything more than bickering and infighting?

Couldn’t we use them for a good purpose instead?

What do you think? Respond below.

I think I’m an online social snob.


snob
So the other day i turned down another facebook friend request. I have to wonder. Am I an online social snob? I know a fair amount of people. Most I don’t really care talking to by voice. I prefer txting them. But when it comes to the web I tend to be more exclusive. It’s not like the person was someone I didn’t know. Although at first I didn’t remember them. Had to ask a mutual friend. Rather I have no urge to just add people. I don’t share my pics with non-friends. And I want to be able to post semi-personal or private things as my status if i want. Not cause it’s anything bad or deeply soul rendering. But I just don’t want to add people to add them, and just cause I know you why should you be privy to my inner thoughts. In fact from time to time I will go through and delete people who don’t comment on my posts, ever have anything interesting to say that I want to post on, or someone who I really never say anything interesting too. Recently I deleted someone who did not respond back to a message thread we had going and than did not ever answer the question I posted on his wall. Mind you he had been on many times since, responded to others so it’s not like he just had not be on FB. I don’t apply that rule to family or old friends. They get a pass. But in this world of casual friendship and friends list full of people you will never met or actually get to know I’m proud to have the reverse. Instead of trying to see how many people I can friend and show how popular I am I hope to never be over 99 friends and am currently not close.

If this is what being an online social snob is like than I’m quite happy to be one.